


Highland Cottage

by Peachy217



Category: Outlander (TV), Outlander Series - Diana Gabaldon
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Child Loss, F/M, Family Loss, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-16 11:22:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29081580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Peachy217/pseuds/Peachy217
Summary: Claire Beauchamp came back to his Uncle Lamb's cottage in the Highland three months after his death to take care of the property. She is considering to sell it, not planning to live and move to Scotland. The day she arrived she found the letter his uncle wrote before he died. He was asking three things from her.one: DONT sell his property.two: Break his engagement to Frank.three: Heal Jamie Fraser.Jamie knew he can't be heal. He was broken beyond repair. His heart is dormant and he knew he will never be able to love again. Lamb became his companion and a friend. Aside from his godfather, Lamb knew what he suffered.Lamb asked him to take care three things for him before he died.one: Take care his property.two: Take care of Thistle.three: Take care of Claire Beauchamp.
Relationships: Claire Beauchamp/Jamie Fraser
Comments: 173
Kudos: 207





	1. Chapter 1

_**Chapter 1** _

The cab slowly halted in front of the pretty two-story stone cottage. The sun was setting, the sky turning orange, my breath caught as I climbed off the cab. The summer breeze hit my face and I inhaled deeply. I release a tiny gasp seeing the garden full of flowers and bushes well-trimmed surrounded the cottage, giving me The Hobbit vibes. It was magical.

“Here yer bag mam.”

I jumped when I saw the cab driver put down my big luggage on the ground beside me.

“Yer cottage is beautiful.” He commented.

“Thanks. My uncle owns this.” I gesture the cottage. “Late Uncle.” I corrected.

“Oh, I’m sorry mam.”

“It fine. Here.” I took my wallet from my bag, took out a bill and handed over to him.

He took it then asked “Would ye like me to carry it through the door?”

I looked at the path going to the front door then to him and said, “No thank you.” I smiled at him then took the handle of my luggage. “Take care mam!” he called out.

God, I forgot how kind and polite the Scottish people are.

I look around as I walk to the garden path on the way to the front door and can’t help but think _how the hell this garden is so well tended._ The flowers are in bloom, the bushes like I said, are well trimmed, the trees standing tall, there was no fallen leaves on the ground as if someone just swept them. The cottage looks clean from the outside, though I am not sure what will I see in the inside.

I took the keys from my bag and open the door slowly. It was dark considering the windows and curtains were closed. I search the switch to turn the lights on.

Like I expected, the house is clean on the inside as well.

I put my luggage aside and walk around, observing the house. Nothing change the last time I was here. It is all in the same place. The coffee machine at the corner of the kitchen counter. The refrigerator that probably the same age like me. The paintings he bought when we were in Italy still hanging the wall above the mantel. The secondhand sofa set that looks grimy but still in a good condition and some Areca Palm plants on each side of the corner.

I sigh. I still clearly remember the last time I visited my Uncle Lamb. It was a memory that I will remember forever. He was in a bed giving me his last words before he died peacefully. I remember being numb after seeing him not breathing. His last word still ringing in my ears.

_“Remember to take care of yourself Claire. Take care of my property. It’s the only thing I will leave you with.”_

I close my eyes, trying to contain my tears. His words hit so hard to me even after three months he has been gone.

In the five times I came to visit him since he moved to Scotland and settle in the highlands four years ago, I barely paid attention to him or to his land. I was always in a hurry, needing to go back in London for my job, leaving him begging me to stay few more days with him. Four times I declined. Those four times I broke his heart. The last visit, he broke mine.

Now it’s too late. I could not bring back those times. I would not be able to say I’m sorry to him, that I didn’t abandon him. I did not have time to apologize. I just stood there waiting for his last breath. I should have come here after he died. I should have taken care of his cottage sooner. These are the few regrets that I carry for the rest of my life.

But one thing he thought me that I carried since I was a child is to be strong and never let anyone see my pain.

I am 33 years old. Successful surgeon and about to get married.

But right now, I want to weep like a six-year-old girl.

I miss my Uncle Lamb.

I miss my parents.

I have no one.

Even my boring fiancé cannot fill the void in my heart.

I didn’t weep. Instead, I went upstairs to Uncle Lamb’s room.

The room is tidy, the bed is made, the glass cabinet in the corner that full of some small artifacts he collected from his entire career as archaeologist still on display. Some books and his eyeglasses were neatly stack in the study table sitting opposite of the glass cabinet. Even at seventy-five, he still loves to read and study history.

Something caught my attention from the table. I took a few steps, bent slightly, and looked closely to the table. There was an envelope lying on the top of the book. 

I carefully pulled the envelop and saw my name in handwritten. _Uncle Lamb_

I opened the envelop and inside was a two pages letter.

_March 2019_

_My dear Claire,_

_I am slipping fast. My body is getting weak. You kept asking me if I was okay the last time you were here celebrating Christmas and I told you I was fine. Well at that time I was not. I pretended that I was fine because I know you will worry but thinking about it now, I guess you already know, but you also did not say anything. I think you got that from me. That whatever thoughts come to your mind you cannot say it in person. That is why I am writing this because I know I cannot say this face to face._

_I love you Claire. I rarely say it, but I love you like my own. Ever since I became your guardian my life changed. You brought me so much joy. You never complain when I bring you to every city, every country, sleeping to the desert or to the forest. I deprived your childhood and I hope to god you will never resent me for it. I did not give you home like you deserve. If your father knew what I did, he will probably smack me straight in the face. But that is the only way I know. I hope when I see him in heaven, he will forgive me._

_One more thing I cannot say in person._

_Break your engagement with Frank. I know it’s not right to say it, but I can see you are not happy with him. He loves you, (maybe) but I do not think that is the kind of love you deserve. He only loves the idea of being with you. You are gorgeous and smart; any man will want to be your husband. You deserve more. I hope you forgive me for saying this. I wish I can still live long enough to see you marrying the right man. But it is your life after all. I just only wish your happiness. Your parents will also want the same thing._

_Please find your happiness._

_Do not sell my property. Keep it as is. It is up to you to decide whether you want to live here or not, rented it, whatever but do not sell it. I already talk to my lawyer. I already transfer the deed under your name and everything else I own except Thistle. He will arrange everything once I am gone. Just go to his office in Inverness. His contact details in the drawer._

_If you read this, I am probably dead. Don’t think about me too much. I know you Claire. You will carry the guilt you feel for not visiting me often. Please do not feel guilty about it. I understand. You have a life. You are independent young woman and somehow, I feed proud because I am the one who raised you. I am so proud of what you become and what you achieve. I can die in peace knowing that you are living your life you wanted._

_For the past four years of my life, I settled in this tiny cottage and met few friends in the highlands. One of them is Jamie Fraser. He is the one tending my garden. As you can see, he is good at it. I adored that young man. Aside from you, he is the only person I care about and worried about leaving him. If you decide to stay here, go to his cottage, and make friends with him. He lives 15minutes walk from me. He has a beautiful cabin near the stream. God knows he need more friends in his life besides me and Donas. Just don’t get affected by his grumpiness. Behind his thick red beard, there is a man who is handsome as Adonis that needs healing._

_Heal him Claire. I know you can heal him._

_Take care. I will always protect you from above. Me and your parents._

_With Love_

_Uncle Lamb_

I took a breath and close my eyes. I pictured my uncle writing this letter, shaking his head as he writes about me not being happy.

God, am I really that obvious?

I knew from the start he doesn’t like Frank. They only get along with each other because they shared the love for history. Frank never visits this cottage. He never visits my uncle, not even asked how he is. Now looking back, I realized Frank never care about my uncle.

Uncle Lamb knew I am not happy. But he can read me just like everyone else because of my glass face. Only Frank probably refused to see beyond anything as long as he has a trophy in his side. Showing me off to his colleagues.

I am the trophy.

And this Jamie Fraser.

Only Uncle Lamb can play match maker on his deathbed. So, he is the answer to my earlier questions. My uncle never mentioned his name before. Why mention now? And why does he need healing? Is he sick? Is that why my uncle Lamb was worried about him?

I set aside these thoughts.

My main concern is, how the hell I keep this cottage.

One of the reasons why I came here is to arrange uncle Lamb’s things and probably put the cottage in the market to sell. It took me three months to get some courage to go back here and decided what to do in this cottage. Uncle Lamb love this place and it breaks my heart when I think about selling it. Now that I confirm in his letter that he doesn’t want to sell it; I don’t know what to do. I can’t keep it like this while I live in London.

I have three weeks in the highland to sort everything out. I still have time.

I heard my stomach growl, reminding me that I haven’t eaten anything since I left my apartment in the morning. Frank was long gone when I woke up and tried to call him when I’m about to leave but it went straight to the voice mail. I keep checking my phone to see a text message from him, but I only got “ _have a safe flight”_ then nothing. 

The other reason why I came here is to have a timeout. Timeout from Frank, from our relationship, from my job. It slowly taking a toll on me. I lost my uncle, the only family I have, and Frank didn’t even comforted me. One time I came home crying because it hit me that my family were all gone, and he just looked at me with annoyance telling me to stop crying like a baby then walk away.

I took my phone and send a quick message to him informing him that I arrived safely. I expect no response when my phone suddenly beep “ _Take your time and take care.”_

That’s it. No “I’m thinking about you.” No “I miss you already.” No “I love you.”

Nothing.

I was in denial but now I can clearly see.

My relationship with Frank is falling apart.

And the worst part of it is that I was not affected and worried at all.

In fact, I feel fine.

I pulled my phone again and scroll the number that uncle Lamb insists to save on my phone. I called the The Grumpy House, the only restaurant in this place and order the food Uncle Lamb used to order for me. Then I went downstairs to collect my luggage and carry it back in my room upstairs. I pulled some clothes, went to the bathroom, and took a shower.

**~~0000~~**

Jamie Fraser just gathered the pile of leaves on the back of Uncle Lamb’s cottage. He was about to leave when he heard the cab stopped in front of the cottage and heard the voice he’s curious to hear for the past two years. He walked behind the wall, making sure he is well hidden and look to see her standing, handing the driver a bill and look around the cottage, inspecting it. She inhales absorbing the scenery before her, the look on her face so calm and in awe, she looks magnificent with the sunset behind her. It took his breath away. She looks like what he expected. Classy, independent, confident, and beautiful.

Lamb is not lying. She is probably the most beautiful woman he ever laid eyes on.

Considering for the past three years, he secluded himself inside his cabin and never went out everywhere.

He saw a lot in his younger years, and he knew when he found the one. He felt it before then one reckless move, everything he has, everything he was trying to protect, gone in just one snap. He left him with nothing but a broken heart beyond repair.

Christ, he felt it now. His left side of his chest contracted. He thought it will never beat again. It was dormant for years.

He watched as she started to walk through the garden path, taking her time. When she was out of sight, he started walking fast, eyes on the ground, thinking about all the things Lamb said to him before he died. He will do everything for Lamb for as he is the only man, he allowed to see through him, aside from his godfather. He was the only man who knew his regrets and suffering in his life.

Lamb asked to take care of his property, to take care of Thistle and his niece. The first two he can do, the latter definitely, not.

He sent a silent apology to Lamb for he knew he will fail him.

He lost people he loved in a tragic way and he knew deep down he will never recover from their loss, from what he had seen. He will not go through that again. Not ever.

Claire Beauchamp can take care of herself.

Besides, she was so far out of his league.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Claire and Jamie finally meet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG thank you so much for all the response for the first chapter. I did not expect it. I really appreciate you gave time to read it. THANK YOU!!! 
> 
> English is not my first language. This is also unbeta so all the mistakes are on me.

Chapter 2.

YOU ALWAYS LEAVE

It was half an hour past ten in the morning I was sitting in the tiny patio at the back of the cottage overlooking the vast hills and trees. It was peacefully quite other than the occasionally chirping of birds. I was sipping my tea, although I prefer coffee. My uncle is a tea drinker, so I was not surprise I didn’t found coffee in his cupboard. I didn’t even find any food in the kitchen.

Looking at the view before me, I understand now why my uncle chose to settle here. Aside the peace and quietness of the place, there was this feeling of calm that makes you forget all your problems. (or at least makes you forget them for a while) There was so many trees, plants and flowers blooming everywhere. 

Uncle Lamb made a hedgerows fence around his cottage and kept it well trimmed. He also built few plant boxes for vegetables such as tomatoes, eggplants, and chili pepper on his backyard. There were herbs as well like parsley, onions, oregano, and basils. While in the front yard he planted lemon tree, mandarin tree, roses bushes in three different colors, bougainvillea, and some flowers that I can’t name yet.

Again, all were well tended.

Thanks to this mysterious Jamie Fraser. 

The cottage made of stone with some few small marbles in between. There was a lot of windows specially at the back. The windows were floor to ceiling. Uncle Lamb loves the sun and light, and so did I. We love hanging out at the back where the kitchen and dining room was located. He built a windowsill bench on the other side of the house beside the dining table. It was comfortable. I spent a good amount of time there, reading a book whenever I visit here.

His cottage was in the deepest part of the town, or should I call it village. It was a small village that consist probably only 500 to 1000 population. That was my estimated base on what I observed. It has one church, a grocery store, one clinic, two restaurants, one bar, few boutique shops, a small motel, and few cafés. The ride to the main town is 20 minutes ride.

The houses were mostly bungalows and made of stones. It was like the village came out straight from 17th century. The people made sure that the highland culture remain. The people were so polite and kind and welcoming. I met some of them when uncle Lamb took me to eat to his favorite restaurant few years ago. But of course, like everything else from his time here, I did not remember most of them.

I drank the remaining tea in one gulp, stood up and walk back inside toward the sink. I rinse the mug I used then walked to the windowsill bench. I pulled out my phone from the back of my denim short to make some few calls.

First, I need to call the rental and inform them that I have already arrived and that they can deliver the rental car anytime.

Before I left London, I already made a phone call for a reservation. I transferred initial down payment and told them to make sure there’s a car available at my arrival, but silly me I forgot to tell them my flight details (and they didn’t call me by the way) then I completely forgot to pass by there to collect (because I was thinking about Frank that time and how I was pissed I got only one message from him and sulking because I felt so guilty about my delay coming back here).

I scrolled my contacts, pressed the name, and wait for the phone to ring. A young guy answered the phone.

“Good morning, this is Frasers Rent A Car, how may I help you?”

“Hi, good morning. My name is Claire Beauchamp. I booked a car the other day for three weeks. I forgot to collect it yesterday when I arrived from the airport. I was wondering if you can drop the car in my house?” I asked.

“Ahhh yes Ms. Beauchamp. That will not be problem. I will ask Angus to drop the car there. We also want to apologize to you. It is a protocol to follow up the client the day they supposed to pick up the car, but the receptionist forgot to remind us.” he explained. 

“That’s okay. So, what time can I expect it? Do you know where I stay?”

“Yes. At the Quentin Cottage, right? You can expect the car within 30 minutes.”

“Great! Thank you so much.”

“You’re welcome Ms. Beauchamp.”

“Bye.”

I hanged up the phone. Next on my list is the lawyer. I walked upstairs to get the card from the desk just like what uncle Lamb instructed in the letter. I dialed the office number and waited. It rang three times before a woman’s voice greeted me.

“McKenzie Lawyers and Associates good morning, this is Louise how may I help you?”

“Hi, my name is Claire. Claire Beauchamp. I would like to talk to Mr. Ned Gowan?” I asked as I sit in the chair facing the window.

“Oh no I’m sorry Ms. Claire, Mr. Gowan is currently in a meeting.” She informed me.

“Oh. That’s okay. Would you mind if I leave a message?” I asked, tapping the card on the table.

“Sure.” She chirped.

“Can you tell him that I called and that I want to meet him as soon as possible. Tell him I am the niece of his client Quentin Beauchamp.”

She was quiet for a moment, after a few seconds she said “Alright. I wrote your message in the sticky note, I will leave this to his table. Can you give me your phone number so I can ask him to call you once he’s free?”

“That is very nice of you.”

I gave her my number. She repeated it for me to confirm and when I said she got it right she told me she will make sure Mr. Gowan will call me. I thank her and hang up. She sounds genuinely nice.

Like they promised, they drop the rental car at the cottage half an hour later. I met Angus and his colleague who was on the other car, gave them a tip, waved goodbye as they left together. Then I went back inside to grab my bag.

Next on my to do list is to go to grocery store.

I drove the 10 minutes’ drive to the store. I parked the car at the very far end of the parking lot. I climbed off the car and walked inside the store. I grabbed the foods I only need for a week, some few essentials, and some few seeds to plant. While I roamed around, I noticed that people were looking at me. I ignored the stares and quickly went to the counter. The cashier was staring at me with curious look while she is scanning my items. When she finished and say the total she added “You are uncle Lamb’s niece.” Eyes never leaving my face. I took my card from my wallet as I confirm “Yes.”

“I am so sorry for your loss. Uncle Lamb was one of the cool and kind men we ever had here. He was a friend to everyone. He was very friendly, and he knew everyone’s name. We all like him, and we all felt his loss.” She said all this like there was no line behind me. I looked over my shoulder to check the line and none of the customers look annoyed, in fact they were all shared the same curious looks. I guess everyone really knew my uncle and as usual, I am not surprised. My uncle _was_ friendly. It shows when I came here for his burial.

“Thank you. I am glad you have met my uncle. He was the best.”

I couldn’t look at her eyes. I can’t stand their look, probably changing from curious to judgement. I knew they were curious why I was not around here often with my uncle and judgement because I was not around here often to take care of him, like they thought I abandoned him. I wonder what my uncle said to them about me.

She bagged my items, handed me my card, and thank God, didn’t comment anymore. She bid me friendly farewell, I smile at her and left.

Once I get inside the car, my thoughts suddenly flooded with the memory of my uncle’s wake. Like how many people came to pay respect, how I thought the whole village came to his burial, how exhausted I felt when those people came to me one by one to give condolences. How I felt so lonely that night sleeping alone in the cottage, wishing, and wondering why the fuck Frank didn’t came with me to support me. How I cried myself to sleep because for the first time in my life I broke down.

I drove fast as I tried to bury those thoughts and instead think about the perishable items I bought. Less than 10 minutes I reach the cottage, stopped the car, grabbed my bag, and slide off the seat. Once my feet hit the ground, I heard a bark. I whipped my head so fast I nearly bump my head on the car door. I shut the door when a large brown Pitbull was running toward me, barking, ready to attack. My eyes widened, my heart started to beat fast and I’m about to scream when I heard deep, rough voice shout “Thistle!!”

The dog halted but kept looking at me, tongue lolling.

I looked at the man coming from the back of the cottage. I watch his profile as he walks toward me. He was wearing a tight gray shirt dotted with sweats and faded jeans. He was a rough-looking guy and he scare the hell out of me. He was holding a big scissor hedge shear that makes me gulp an air. The need to run for my life seeing this big man with the big dog suddenly became my priority, perishable food completely forgotten. He looks like he can murder me with just one quick strike with that scissor and no one will ever know seeing as we were alone in a secluded area in the vast highland hills. He can swiftly carry me and throw me somewhere and no one will ever find me. I will be rotten by that time they discover my body.

When he stopped few feet away from me, I stopped breathing at all. He has the bluest eyes I have ever seen. There was something about his eyes that hit me in different kind of way. He has a full thick red beard around his jaw. His long hair tied neatly in bun at the back of his head and looked greasy-wet, but in a cool way and I wondered if he used a product or just from his sweat. Either way, it doesn’t make him any less attractive. I could see that he was muscular everywhere. Broad shoulder, broad chest, broad back. My heart bit faster but with completely different reason. 

His eyes were boring into mine. For some reason we can’t tear each other’s gazes.

I studied his (bearded) face. His eyes were so blue, nearly sky blue under the sun but I can also see they were blank. There was something else. _Pain._ His beard was thick, I was tempted to use that scissor to trim his beard so I can fully see his face.

But behind all the looks and beards I knew he was handsome.

Immensely attractive.

He will look more strikingly handsome if he shaves all his beard and probably cut his hair.

I also knew he was Jamie Fraser.

I assume its him. I have a feeling it’s him (who still scare the hell out of me.) The beard and the scissor already gave away. Uncle Lamb did not mention in his letter how huge and tall he was. And he doesn’t look sick.

“Claire Beauchamp, I assume?” he asked. His deep voice makes me jump; his eyes bore to mine.

“Yes, and you are?” I asked, even though I knew who he is.

“James Fraser.”

“May I ask James Fraser what you are doing in my cottage?”

He raised the scissor showing the obvious. “Trimming the plants and pulling out the weeds at the backyard.” He spoke.

“Do you usually do this even Uncle Lamb is still alive? Just showing here without permission?” I did not mean to sound sarcastic, but he makes me nervous and conscious. I tend to do that when I feel either those two.

He catches my tone; his eyes became sharp. “Yes, and yes. He was expecting me to come every day its either morning or afternoon. If I did not come, he will walk straight to my house demanding why I did not come. There are three reasons why I was doing this. One, he was worried, two he was alone and needs companion and lastly, I do not want him alone especially in his condition. And I assume you know what it is.”

I did. But uncle Lamb and I agreed to pretend that he did not have a heart condition. He did not want to make it a big deal. He told that drinking his medicine will make him weaker. He had taken medicines to last a lifetime. One day he decided to stop taking some of them because they only make it worse. I was against it, him not taking his medicines, I couldn’t do anything.

He was stubborn. He was a Beauchamp.

I was a doctor for fuck sake, but I didn’t try harder. I let him do what he wants.

For the last two years, I knew he was indeed getting weaker. He lost some good amount of weight; he was always tired. That was the reason why I stopped visiting him because I hate to see him wasting away his time. I couldn’t look at him and knowing I let myself be part of it.

There were so many guilts I will carry on for the rest of my life and I don’t think I will ever forgive myself for letting that to happened.

But I could not deny the fact that uncle Lamb betrayed me for keeping a lot of things from me, including this James Fraser and the dog. He seems to know uncle Lamb more than me.

I guess that was my punishment.

“Yes. He’s not here so no need to come daily.” I muttered.

“Right.” He snapped. 

I glared at him.

“You’ll leave. Just like you always do.” He said. His eyebrows creased.

“What?” I whispered.

“Ye always leave him. You knew he was getting weaker, but you never stayed long. Always in a hurry, always thinking about your work. You are not around here enough to know that he loved his cottage, and he loved his garden more. I made a promise to him that I will take care all of it. Whether you like it or not, I’ll come here often as I can to take care of his cottage until you decide whatever you want to do with his land. But I will say this, he would turn in his grave if he knew you sell his land.” 

I knew that. He didn’t have to say that. He was clear in his letter. But I didn’t say this to him, instead “You don’t know about me James Fraser. I respect my uncle and I care about him. Do not stand there like you’re judging me for leaving my uncle alone here. I did not abandon him. Its his wish to settle here. He knew I like my job and life in London, he didn’t want me to leave all that so I can take care of him. I did what he only wanted and that is to die somewhere peacefully. If you knew my uncle you know he travelled around the world, uprooted, never really found a home until he found this place. Do you think I don’t know that? Do you think I’ll just throw that away?” I realized I was breathing heavy.

He was quite for a moment, studying me. Then something in his eyes shifted.

It became heated but there still a hint of judgement.

“I don’t know. All I know is that you will leave. You always leave. You don’t want to be here. You just came here for obligations and to lessen the guilt you feel. Am I right?” he asked.

“You’re wrong.” I snapped.

“Am I?” he challenged me.

Okay, he was right. Damn it he was right. After I settled everything, the paper, the house, uncle Lamb’s things, I will leave everything and planning not to turn back.

Now I feel terrible and more guilty than ever.

Because he was right, I don’t know how much uncle Lamb loved this place. He loved this so much he wants to leave it with me, the only person he loves the most. I don’t know what to do about it. I was torn. And all these things this James Fraser said were not helping. They just make it worst. It messes my mind, and I don’t like it.

I don’t like losing my control.

I hated it.

He knew the answer, so he kept his mouth shut, waiting for me to admit.

I changed the topic because the way he looked at me and the way he knew what was on my mind (I really, really hate my glass face) I am seconds away to lose my shit and cry in front of him. That is embarrassing. I rarely cry.

I looked to the side then at him “How come uncle Lamb never mentioned you?”

“Like I said, ye never stayed long enough to know everything. I feel like ye didn’t even care.”

Shot straight to the heart. I was winded. It’s a miracle I am still standing.

He was right again damn it.

“Please get out. The next time you come here make sure I was not around or at least I won’t see you.” I said to his chest, too ashamed and too angry to look at his face.

“That will be no problem seeing as I won’t come back until you leave.”

He said that parting shot and left.

Thistle who was quite the entire time, walked right to my feet, tail wagging then bark. I bent my waist to scratch his ears. He barked once more before he sprinted after James Fraser.

I watch them thinking, James Fraser really cared about uncle Lamb and it hit me that he was the one who took care of him instead of me. No wonder why he sounds so resentful.

I feel guilty enough and I don’t need him adding to my endless guilt and regret.

No matter how handsome he was, he still acts like a bloody asshole.

I took the groceries from the car, went inside, drop them to the counter and took the beer from one of the bags. I was pleased with myself for thinking to buy beers in case I needed them. It did not even take an hour to needing one or maybe two bottles.

I walked to the windowsill, ignoring the protest of my stomach, sat down, and trying to forget I ever met James Fraser.

To hell the healing.

I sent a silent prayer to God and to Uncle Lamb, if they ever hear me, to asks for forgiveness because I sure I will never ever heal that bloody Scot, whatever healing he needs and for not granting Uncle Lamb’s wish.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Claire will finally learn what happened to Jamie. 
> 
> **Trigger Warning: Paris attack mentioned in this chapter.**

**Chapter 3**

**THE FRASERS**

I was sitting in the reception area in McKenzie office waiting for Mr. Ned Gowan. Louise, who is prettier and nicer in person, informed me that Mr. Gowan will finish his meeting soon.

Like what Louise said, Mr. Ned Gowan called me yesterday while I was busy beating myself up and busy cursing James Fraser.

It was after he left and after two bottles ( _two bottles_ ) of beer, I decided to make myself a sandwich. It was after I ate my late lunch, went to the patio where I spent my time thinking about my life and my future.

I realized then how alone I was.

I lost my parents in a car accident when I was five. From then on, uncle Lamb became my guardian. I refused to go to boarding school because one, I don’t like mingling with other girls, (I was a loner and being with a crowded place gave me anxiety), two, I hate the feeling of being left alone. So, uncle Lamb took me wherever he goes. I saw many places, experienced many things any person would die to experience at my age, learned so many things from different people from different culture, met some (very) few friends from our travels, all those things which uncle Lamb gave all to me.

Unlike him, who found his root, found this place, his people, I was still trying to fine mine.

I lied about what I said to Jamie, I don’t know if I like living in London. The truth is I have never felt settled. Even after I got my job and became a surgeon. Even after Frank and I moved in together. Even before that when I was living alone. I never felt home.

Then I thought about Frank who still not send one single message. I was beginning to realize what a huge mistake I made by accepting his proposal. I was never happy with him. Our relationship was so steady, no thrill, and simply boring. He never challenged me, he never teased me. We never fought; we always agree to each other. He complimented me only when we were in front of his colleagues but when we were alone, he never said anything. He was a serious man. He was boring, always talking about his job, his future, and thinking about it now, I realized he never included me in his future. He was also boring in bed. One thing I always complained about. I always faking it. I had to go to the bathroom to finished. I hated that. Hated it that I always took care of myself. Even in orgasm.

Then against my will my mind shifted to Jamie. How long does he know uncle Lamb? How much he knows about me? Did uncle Lamb tell him a good deal about me? Is he living alone? Does he have family? What would he looks like when he lost his beard? How does it feel to be wrapped by his muscular arms?

I closed my eyes, mentally kicking (and slapping) myself for thinking that. After what he said to me, I should have hated him.

_Heal him Claire. I know you can heal him._

I don’t think I am the right person who can heal him.

These were my thoughts when I received a call back from Mr. Ned Gowan. He told me that he will gladly meet me the next day and informed me the time he is available. 

And here I am now, sitting in his office waiting for this Mr. Ned Gowan.

Louise stood up from her desk when the door behind her opened. Two older men appeared, still engaging in conversation. One taller and the other shorter. Both have gray hair, and, in my observation, they looked like they were pass their retirement age. The taller guy who has a balding head offer his hand to the shorter man and I watch as he took it, tap each other’s shoulder then bid goodbye. The taller one left while the shorter one looked around before his eyes landed on mine. He smiles when he caught the sight of me. He was shorter if I stood in my heels, which I wear thinking it was a formal meeting. (Well, I am meeting a lawyer). His hair was long and was tied in his back of his head. He was wearing eyeglasses. Louise cheerful voice suddenly filled the room.

“Mr. Ned, this is Claire Beauchamp.” Louise introduces us.

I walked the few steps toward Mr. Ned, offered my hand and smile. “Hello Mr. Ned Gowan, nice to meet you.”

He took my hand. “Nice to finally meet you Ms. Claire Beauchamp. I heard so much about you from Lamb” he smiles. He let go my hand. Then the hand I was shaking threw it toward the door. “After you Ms. Beauchamp.”

I walked inside his office. I looked around and noticed it wasn’t grand. It was simple and inviting. There was a small rectangular desk to my right side, one big, swiveled chair behind it and two smalls at the front. There were few stacks of papers on the left corner of the table, while on the right side was his laptop and desktop. The wall behind the chair hangs his certificates. In front of us opposite the door is a big wide window overlooking the street and the highland. Few steps from my left is the six-seater round table with few notepads and a pen holder at the center. He guided me in the round table and gesture to sit down. I did what he told, choosing the seat in front of the window. I watch, (in concern as he walks very slowly seeing as he is old, and I wonder if I should help him) to his desk, took a brown envelop in one of the drawers then walk back to where I am sitting. He sat down beside me and gave me a friendly smile.

“This is the deed of his property. I already managed to transfer it under your name. You just have to sign this document.” He set aside the paper and shifted more, reading it before he put another paper down in front of me. “And this is the document for the bank. You sign it, so you’ll be able to access the money. He left a good amount of money for you by the way which includes his life insurance amounting 2.5 million pounds.”

My eyes bulged at the mentioned of the money. “What?” I cried. That is a lot of money.

“That is a lot of money.” I whispered; my head turned to Mr. Gowan.

“It is lass, and all yours.” He gave me a kind smile.

“He didn’t mention it in his letter that he left me money”.

“Maybe he wants to surprise you.”

“Well, I am surprised.” I said, still shock.

I knew uncle Lamb saved money from his retirement. At the best of my knowledge, he used that money to buy the property. He had pension that comes monthly so I knew money was not a problem. I also knew he has life insurance, but I didn’t know how much it was. 

“I know Lamb for years. A year after he moved here in Scotland. He was a great man. He always talks about you.” Mr. Gowan spoke, breaking my thoughts.

“Well, he seems he talks about me to everyone.” I scoff.

“That’s how you do when you’re proud of someone especially if that someone are your children.” He smiles. Then he added. “He was just proud of you.”

“Thank you. I know though he rarely says it. We are not usually affectionate people.” I smile back.

“Here, take this pen and sign all this documents.” He took a pen from the holder and handed it to me. I took it from his hand. I signed the documents. I don’t need to read them. I knew (and feel) that Mr. Gowan can be trusted. Uncle Lamb trusted him. While signing the papers, something caught my eye. There was a Brian Fraser at the bottom of the old deed.

_Fraser?_

“Who is Brian Fraser?” I asked, looking at Mr. Ned’s face, curious. My hand with the pen suspended in the air.

“Oh, he owned the land.”

“What? You mean the land of my uncle?”

“Not only that. The majority of Broch Tuarach. They basically owned everything.” He explained to me though I still don’t understand.

“Have you noticed the signboard when you enter the village? It says Broch Tuarach?”

I nodded. I noticed that the first time I visit my uncle. It was a small signboard that stood on the right side of the road that say’s “ _Welcome to Brock Tuarach”_ at the bottom of the letter there was a small photo of a house.

Mr. Ned Gowan continued. “In 17th century, Lallybroch was built by Laird Brian Fraser. It was a big estate considering at that time where life was simple and unless you were born Laird or King you cannot own a big estate like Lallybroch. His father was Lord Lovat who also own a big estate. He met his wife in a gathering, fell in love and eloped. He built the house for her. He was very honorable and kind man so later he let some other tenant to build their houses around his estate. He also had a big farm which make his tenants earn a living. To this day people who lived in that place who inherited their home from their ancestor never left and they never change out of respect. That is why if you noticed the place still look old-fashioned. Brian Fraser, who was name after his ancestor, inherited the land. He and his wife Ellen and his children still live in the house estate in Lallybroch. It was hidden behind the hills that is why it’s not visible. It is also 30 minutes’ drive from the village.”

There was a lot to it. The history, the people, the village, and I’m glad he told me all this because now I understood my uncle. Really understood his move. He loves history and no wonder he fell in love with this village.

“My uncle knows Brian Fraser?”

“Yes. In fact, they were friends.”

“How did they become friends?”

“Lamb and Brian met when Lamb came here the first time. Lamb studied the history of the place and fell in love. He seeks Brian and asked if he have more land to sell. Brian showed it and Lamb bought it right away. Brian helped him built the cottage and from then on they became good friends.”

“Where is this Brian Fraser now?”

‘He’s dead. Died two and half years ago.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

“Heart attack.”

“I’m really sorry.” I muttered.

I did not know why but I felt a pang of sadness that I missed the opportunity to meet the person who gave the land that makes my uncle happy until his last breath. And then I remember. _Fraser._

I should not have asked.

I really, really, should not have ask.

But my mouth has its own mind, and I could not stop it.

“Uncle Lamb mentioned a Jamie Fraser in his letter. Is he related to Brian Fraser?”

“Och, yes. He is the youngest son of Brian.”

“Oh.”

“That young man.” Mr. Ned sigh and shakes his head.

I was already mentally kicking myself for asking about him and I really, really, should not have ask any more.

“What?”

“He’s been through a lot. He lives secluded at the edge of their land after what happened to his family and then to his father.”

“What happened?”

“It’s not my story to tell.” Mr. Ned said, looking at me with genuine sadness. He knew what happened. My uncle knew. And I have a feeling everyone in the village knew. I should not have asked; I should not have care. But it makes me curious. The more I’m thinking about it, the more I wanted to know.

What happened to Jamie Fraser?

Why does my uncle want me to heal him?

Is he dying?

“I’m sorry I asked. My uncle surely knows the Fraser well. He includes his name in the letter which he left me before he died. They’re living close together.”

“It’s fine lass. Everyone felt sorry for him. It was sad what happened to his family. Lamb, god bless his soul, took care of that young man. He did not know it, but he was saving Jamie’s life. He adopted a dog, and he gave it to him. Told him if he let anything happened to that dog, he will haunt him when he dies. I guess poor Jamie got scared not because of Lamb’s ghost but he doesn’t want to let down anyone anymore. Gave him a bit of reason to live.”

“Thistle?” I whispered.

“Yes. Lamb went to the shelter and adopted the biggest dog few weeks before Jamie lives in the small cabin where he is living now. Brian just died few months before. Lamb took care of Jamie then decided to give the dog to him.”

_I already transfer the deed under your name and everything else I own except Thistle._

I wonder why Uncle Lamb never mentioned that he got a dog. He never liked animals. He claimed that he has allergies to their fur. He must really feel lonely that he went to find a pet. Or maybe he got it for Jamie. Either way it helped to both of them to keep each other company. If it wasn’t for Jamie I don’t know if my uncle lives longer.

“Have you met Jamie?” Mr. Ned asked suddenly.

“Yes. He was in my backyard yesterday.”

“Aye. Lamb loved his garden. Another thing he asked for Jamie is to take good care of his garden. Lamb and Jamie were thick as a thief. I think for what we see, Lamb became the father to Jamie after he lost Brian. And Murtagh. The two older men make sure Jamie will never lose his way.”

“Murtagh?” I asked. His name was familiar.

“The owner of The Grumpy House. He was the godfather of Jamie and a distant cousin of Brian.”

“Oh. Yes. My uncle loves that restaurant.” I smile.

There were so many questions I wanted to ask and so many things I wanted to know. I was not around enough to ask questions from my uncle and besides, I didn’t care before. Why care now? I did not understand but I suddenly have the need to know what happened to Jamie. The care of my uncle for him alone makes me curious even more. Is this why he wants me to heal him because of what happened to him? Why my uncle cares him so much?

“Go ahead lass, sign all the papers so you can go on with your day.” Mr. Ned, who is now smiling, looked over at me and urge for me to sign. Okay clearly, storytelling is over.

I sign all the papers.

I am not only a cottage owner; I am now also a millionaire.

But the thought of money swept away from my brain and replace the thought of Jamie.

_Jamie Fraser._

Jesus H Roosevelt Christ what is wrong with me? Why do I want to know about him? I am only here for three weeks for God’s sake. It is not like I’m going to live here for the rest of my life. 

I mentally kick out Jamie out of my head. I stood up, offer my hand to Mr. Ned.

“It was nice meeting you Mr. Ned Gowan. My uncle is very lucky to have you as his lawyer. Thank you for doing all of this.”

He took my hand firmly. He put his other hand to cover it. “Please call me Ned.” He smiles. “And whatever you need, don’t hesitate to call me. Take care, lass.” He patted my hand before he released it.

“You too Ned.” I smile back at him and took off.

Louise, the ever-cheerful lady, chirped her goodbye. “Goodbye Ms. Claire.”

“Bye Louise. Nice meeting you again.”

“Take care!!” she waves her goodbye.

God, Scottish people. So polite.

**~~0000~~**

I did not drive straight to home after I left the office of Mr. Ned, instead I went to The Grumpy House for lunch. While driving my mind was filled with curiosity. I was not the type of person who let things go easily and unanswered. I have so many questions and I will not leave this place until I get all the answers. For my sake and for my peace of mind.

And the very first place that comes to my mind is the restaurant.

I went inside and just like the first time my uncle brought me here, I felt suddenly welcome and comfortable. It was the kind of restaurant for hippies. Bright and ancient colors, with a touch of Scottish culture. It was very far look from the owner who is probably the grumpiest person in the world. The young woman who was standing by the small bar walks toward me and greet me cheerfully. She was familiar, I always see her whenever uncle Lamb and I would dine here. I just forgot her name.

“Hi there! Table for one?”

“Yes, please.” I muttered.

She guided me at the corner near the bar. There were a lot of customers already filling the rest of the table and were all looking at me. They obviously know me and probably word spread that the long-lost niece of Lamb was here after his death three months ago and just finally showed up. It is not like I can blame them for their judgement. I will be curious too if I know someone who lost their love ones and suddenly appear one day to his home.

The young woman grabbed the menu from the cashier area, walk back and laid it down in front of me.

“What would you like to order?” she asked cheerfully. Smiling wide.

I did not need to look at the menu, uncle Lamb always ordered the Scottish Salmon here. He said it was the best salmon he ever tasted. He was not joking when he said that, and I agree.

“Salmon please.”

“Your drink?”

“Uhmm I’ll have iced tea.”

“Okay!” then off she went.

Fifteen minutes later she came back with my order. She smiled at me as she laid down the plate and my drink. She stood for a few bits before she started speaking again “I’m sorry, I pretend I do not know you, but the truth is I know your name. You’re Claire.” She smiles.

“Yes. And you?”

“My name is Mary.”

“Hello, Mary, nice meeting you.” I gave her my sweetest smile.

“I’m sorry. Go ahead. Eat your lunch. Just scream my name when you need anything else.”

“Actually, can you accompany me while I’m eating? If your boss don’t mind.” I asked, looking around for any sign of his boss.

“Mr. Murtagh is busy in the kitchen scolding everyone.” She laughs. “I think he won’t mind.”

“Thank you.”

She sat in the vacant chair in front of me. “I’m sorry about Uncle Lamb.” She started as I cut the salmon.

“Thank you.” I repeated.

“He actually introduced us before, but you forgot my name but it’s fine. That was a long time ago, it’s not like my name is memorable. Its just I thought you remember-”

“O my God yes, I remember and I’m sorry I forgot your name.”

God I was such an idiot. I knew her face, but I don’t remember her name. Same goes with Murtagh, I doubt I will remember his name, if they didn’t mention it but I will surely remember his grumpy face.

“That’s fine.” She smiles then added “Everyone here were talking about you coming back here.” she whispered.

“What are they saying?” I asked.

“That you’re going to sell the cottage.”

“I haven’t had a time to think about that. That is why I’m here for three weeks.”

“But are you planning to sell it?” she asked, clearly worried.

“I don’t know.” I lied.

God, is this how these people love uncle Lamb?

“Please don’t. Jamie will riot. And Murtagh.”

“Why?” I asked while chewing the salmon.

“Because they knew uncle Lamb how much he loved the cottage and because he and Brian built that together. It was like the last thing Brian did with his hands that Jamie would want to remember. He was his father by the way, who died in a heart attack and Jamie is Uncle Lamb’s only neighbor.”

“Yes, I heard. Mr. Ned Gowan told me that earlier when I went to his office. He also mentioned to me that something happened to Jamie?” this was it. Mary would hopefully tell me the story.

“Oh that. It was very heartbreaking.” She whispered. She looked around before she leaned to the table and looked me straight in the eyes. And just like what I saw in Ned’s face, there was a hint of sadness in Mary’s eyes. “After his brother died in the plane crashed, he went home only to find his wife and daughter killed in the Paris attack. Then he was arguing with his father that caused the heart attack.”

I gasp. Jamie is married and had a daughter?

He was married.

Jamie was married.

“What are they doing in Paris?”

“His wife was French. Jamie studied and lived there for a while until he met his wife. They got married right away and had a daughter. After they got married, he joined the military. His brother was already in the army. It was not a secret that his older brother William was his hero, he does whatever his brother do so he joined the army. They were both serving in the middle east when the crashed happened. His brother was a pilot. Jamie was one of the rescuers.”

“Oh my God.”

“MARY!” a loud voice suddenly booms from the bar counter that make us jump.

A grumpy man walks and stopped behind Mary’s chair looking down at her, frowning. His legs wide and his hands were crossed on his chest. He has a thick brown beard that can compete with Jamie’s red beard and brown long hair that past his ears.

_Murtagh._

“Why are you sitting with a customer?” he boomed again.

“I uh-” Mary stutter while slowly standing up.

“Get back to work. Go to the kitchen, get this lass a pudding.”

“Aye!” Mary dashed away to the door leading to the kitchen.

“You might not remember me lass. I am a friend of your uncle.”

“I know you. Murtagh?”

“Aye!” if he smiles, I will not notice. His face was set with a frown.

“Welcome back lass.”

“Uhmm Thank you.”

He sat where Mary’s place vacated. He was openly studying me, and I was a hundred percent sure he will ask about Uncle Lamb’s cottage.

“Are you okay lass?”

That took me off guard. It was not what I expected. I grabbed the glass and drink the iced tea then looked at him. “I’m fine thanks.” I murmured.

“I know you don’t have any family left. I understand why you don’t want to come back here. You don’t want any reminder of your uncle. Am I right? That’s why it took you some time to come here?”

“You’re right. And because he was sick. I agreed to his wish even if it’s against my will. I really had a hard time processing that I done that to him. That I left him here.”

“It’s not your fault lass.”

“But everyone thought it was.”

“No. What everyone thought was that he left the only family he has and that he left you alone. Everyone understands why you don’t want to come back. It was painful. Losing the only family you have.”

I was not going to cry. I refused to cry but he was right. It hurts to come back knowing when I come home, I will never see my uncle again. I was left alone and that was the reality I was escaping. I took a deep breath, trying so hard to stop the tears that pooling my eyes.

“Lamb told me to take care of you. Even you don’t know me well. I valued our friendship. I promised to him that I will take care of you if you allow me.”

“Thank you so much. I am so glad uncle Lamb found a genuine and kind friends in his life.”

Mary came back with a plate of black pudding.

“Here you go Claire, enjoy your desert.”

“Thanks”

“So, how long are you going to stay here?” Murtagh asked, still frowning. I wonder if that was permanent.

“Only three weeks.”

“Good. Enough time to enjoy the village.”

Ok I know I will enjoy my stay here and I’ll make sure I will, but I was not contented about what I learned.

“Murtagh, Mary was just telling me about Jamie. She was telling me about-”

“There was a time for stories, lass. For the meantime enjoy your desert. You’ll meet the lad, and you’ll know.” He cut me off.

“But I already met him.”

“And what do you think?”

“He was rude.”

“He was not!” he boomed.

Okay, I gather that this man is grumpy _and_ hot headed. I think. Although he was obviously a kind man, but he was also loud.

“There was a reason lass and I told you there is time. He might want to tell you himself one day.”

I doubt that. Jamie knew I will never stay here so it was impossible to hope. But I did not say that, instead I took a bite of the pudding and my eyes widen. It was by far the best black pudding I ever tasted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At this point, I am just writing whatever comes in my mind.  
> Sorry for the lack of Jamie in this chapter.  
> Sorry for the mentioned of the attack. It might trigger to someone. Let me know if it makes you uncomfortable reading it, I'll try to change the backstory of Jamie.  
> Also if you are confused with the timeline, I will explain it in the coming chapter. But the setting of this story is summer 2018 so the events of Jamie's past will match the time of his wife and daughter's death.  
> Thank you for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

**FIX HIM**

It was two days since I went to the restaurant and talked to Murtagh.

Two days since I learned about this place and about Jamie Fraser. Or at least some part of it. The good thing was, I learned a good deal about his story, the bad thing is, I want more. I need to know more.

After I left the restaurant, I went back to the cottage still full of curiosity. When I planned to go back to the highland, my mind was filled with ideas or options on what to do with the cottage but now, it was filled with history, with stories that interest me. I was not expecting it to be this mind consuming. I thought it will be easier coming here. Just arranged few things, sell everything then go and never look back. But now there was this story that so intriguing. If my uncle were not involved, I would just let it go but it was hard knowing he was part of it or he knew the part of it.

It was also about Jamie. I admit that it was him that intrigue me more. The pain and emptiness I saw in his eyes, the one I recognized. I knew because it was what I feel for the past months.

That afternoon, I arranged some of the things of uncle Lamb left like books and clothes. I put them in a large plastic bag and labeled them “ _for donations”._ I also cleaned the house, which I am not a fan of. That night I tried to call Frank, but it went straight to the voicemail. After I ate my dinner, he called me just to say he will be busy for the rest of the week and do not try to call him. No “how are you?” No, “I miss you.” Pure Frank.

Such an idiot.

The next day, I tried gardening. It was the one thing I wanted to try so badly back in London. Frank and I live in a two-bedroom apartment in downtown. There was not enough place to plant herbs or flowers. I took out some seeds I bought from the grocery store and planted it at the corner of the garden. I know it was useless, me buying sunflower seeds that I know will die come to the fall season, but I still tried. I don’t have much to do so why not practice my gardening skills. I spent my whole day outside, relaxing under the sun after dirtying my hands. It was the best day I had so far.

True to his word, Jamie didn’t come in the cottage. I wonder if he still loath seeing me or just he simply never likes me. I tested that theory so yesterday I decided to walk to his cabin.

I was curious and probably crazy.

The road on the way to his cabin was just a straight path with a lot of trees and behind the trees was the hills and you could see a glimpse of a cliff from a far. The path led you to a vast space of land with a few shrubs and a lot of trees scattered all around it. The cabin was standing in the middle of the land between the large oak tree and few feet from the side of it was the stream. A beautiful stream. The water so clean and clear you could see the rock at the bottom. The water flows moderately. The sound was so relaxing. The place was peaceful and quiet. Unlike the cottage, that was very sunny when daylight, in the cabin you barely see the sun peeking because of the large trees around the place.

When I walked to his land, there was no hint of him. There was no Thistle running to bark at me, so I was thinking that maybe he went somewhere. I walked a little closer to his cabin when I heard a horse.  
  


_A horse!_

I hid at the large oak tree behind his cabin and peeked to watch the horse was now slowly coming to a halt and in it was, of course, none other than Jamie. Thistle tailing the beast with a basket in his mouth. I watched as the horse stopped and Jamie easily got off the horse without holding anything. There was no saddle. He was riding bareback!

And making it worst, he was shirtless. I can see his chest glistening from his sweat.

I involuntarily gulp. My heart started racing.

_What is wrong with me?_

As if Thistle sense that I was spying them, he barked loudly causing the basket to fall on the ground which the horse makes unsettled. As if on cue I felt a stab of pain in my ankle and when I looked down there were a lot of big ants crawling around my feet.

“JESUS H ROOSEVELT CHRIST!”

Thistle was full blown barking and started running and just like the first day we met, Jamie shouted his name to make him stop. “THISTLE STOP.”

I jumped away from the tree and bent trying to shake off the ants while looking at Jamie, who I knew from a far was frowning, no, glaring at me and started walking toward me.

“Ouch! Ouch! Bloody ants.” I felt panic. There was no mistaken, he was obviously in enraged mode. (I think) I considered my move for three seconds, wait him to come at me or run.

I ran away.

Of course, I ran away. I ran like I was in a marathon. My feet were burning from the bites from the ants and from running. I never ran so fast in my life. I didn’t know if he chased me or just looked at me like I was the most idiot woman on the planet.

At that time, I was. I felt like a bloody ridiculous stupid woman who just ran like she was getting away from a murderer.

It was the most embarrassing thing I ever done.

I regretted every single second of it.

How could I face him when I ran away from him like that with no reason?

_Jesus Christ._ _What is wrong with me??_

Then that afternoon, I heard a bark.

_Thistle_

I was sitting in the patio at the backyard when Thistle came to my view. I looked ahead and saw the grimly (and hot) Jamie coming after him. He was holding a shovel. And thank God he was wearing a shirt because if he came without his shirt I will combust. Probably one of the reasons why I ran. Because I couldn’t handle him bare chested if he ever came near me. He was wearing the same outfit when I first met him, a faded jean that hang loosely at his waist and a plain gray shirt.

I stood up still looking at him. I could not make out his expression, but he doesn’t look like he was angry anymore. His face was blank and surprisingly calm. His eyes moved down, down; I felt my body heated at his gazed. I was wearing a cotton short and halter top and I was barefoot. Then his eyes landed on my feet. He stopped few feet away from me, his right hand went to his back pocket and took something out. He throws it at me so fast it makes me jump and didn’t caught it.

“Uhm-”

“Your feet are full of bites.” His voice so deep and hard, it makes my heart beating fast.

I looked at my feet. He was right. After I washed them with warm water they keep itching and burning, I was sure those ants had a feast of my feet.

“Apply that gel cream. It will sooth the burning.” He continued, now looking at my eyes.

It occurred to me that he came back and not only he would start to do works again, but he also even bought a cream for my bites.

“I thought you’ll wait for me to leave to come back here?” I asked. Not sure why my mouth suddenly moved.

“I honor the promise I made to Lamb. I set aside my pride to fulfill those promises.” He said it in a serious tone and boy, I felt that deep into my bones. He clearly cared uncle Lamb. I was stunned that this broken man will not let anyone stopped him from honoring the promises he made to my uncle, even me. “And besides, I see you made a mess here.” he noticed.

I looked at the part of the backyard where I dig and planted yesterday, it was indeed a mess.

“Look, I’m sorry I went to your cabin earlier and ran like mad woman. I was snooping around. I was just-”

“Everyone knew not to go to my cabin except Murtagh and Lamb.”

“Why is that?”

He looked at me with deadpan look.

“Okay, obviously you don’t like people.” I murmured.

“I liked them until they do something you won’t like that makes you question humanity.”

_The bombing._

_His daughter._

_His wife._

_His brother._  
  


Okay, how can I respond to that when I knew he was right. After what happened to his family.

He isolates himself because not only he blamed himself for what happened to his family but also, he lost his faith to humanity because of those terrorist and probably to God. I can’t imagine his loss. I lost my parents at a very young age. I barely remember them, so I didn’t feel I lost too much, the kind of loss that makes you lose yourself but that doesn’t mean it was not painful. It was and I feel incomplete ever since. Jamie, he was an adult when he lost everyone. He was building a future with someone he loves until one day they were all gone. I wonder why he is still standing.

I barely know him but here I am, feeling sorry for him and building a desire to fix him. 

“Don’t.” he growled suddenly.

“What?” I asked, confused.

“I don’t need your pity.”

“I don’t-”

“I know that look. I can read your face. I can hear your thoughts. You have a glass face. Whatever Lamb or anyone told you about my story, which I guess you already knew, not everything was true. They don’t know one single thing. And I don’t need another person’s sympathy.” He said, his eyes pinning me. He was upset. I felt my heart racing. I really don’t understand but I don’t want to upset him.

“They didn’t tell me everything, and like I said, Uncle Lamb never mentioned you.” I defended.

“Good.” He growled.

I waited a few bits, I thought he will walk out on me, but he stood there, his eyes moving around the backyard. It occurred to me that he was waiting for my response.

“Look, I know Uncle Lamb adored you and you seem really nice guy.” As he heard the word “nice guy” his eyes instantly moved to stare back at me. “Can we just be friends or just be civil with each other? I asked. “For Uncle Lamb.” I added.

He continued to stare at me. I started to get uncomfortable. I don’t understand myself. I want him to like me. I want him to open up with me, to tell me everything. I can feel he was a great man. After learning small part of his story, I wanted to help him, to make him smile, to make him happy. I want to make him feel he was not alone because I knew that feeling. It was not the greatest feeling in the world. 

_God. What was wrong with me?_

Here I am standing, confused, and nervous because of this man.

He was always making me nervous, and it scared me.

He walked the five feet gap between us and stood close to me. His shoes were touching my toes, his head bent to study my face. Probably reading my thoughts. I can feel his breath on my face, smell his scent, a mixture of sweat, soap and a manly scent that is so unique, it makes me intoxicated. I held my breath as he continues studying me.

“You can’t heal me, Claire.”

“I don’t know what you are saying.” I lied.

“Lamb probably didn’t tell you about me, but he definitely asked you to heal me. I know that old man enough to know that he was trying to play cupid.”

“I-”

“Like I said Claire, I know that look. I saw that many times. I saw it from my mother and sister. They tried to save me. Lamb and Murtagh tried hard but I didn’t want to be saved. I didn’t want to be fixed. I don’t want to be healed. If you heard enough stories about me then you know how devastating it was, but you don’t have any idea what it was like to lose everyone. So yeah, whatever thoughts running to your head just forget it because I won’t let you.”

My heart beats so loud I was sure he can hear it.

But he was wrong though. I knew what it was like.

“You’re wrong.” I whispered. “If Uncle Lamb told you a good deal about me, then you knew I lost my parents when I was five. I may not know what you have been through, but I know what it was like to lose everyone. You still have a mother and a sister; you are still not alone. I am.” I whispered the last word.

He gently took my hand where the engagement ring resting on my finger. He toyed it as he said, eyes still boring to mine. “You’re not.”

He noticed my ring. It was not hard to notice because of the size. It was big, it felt heavy on my finger.

“He was not here obviously.” I whispered again. 

“Lamb doesn’t like him.”

“Yes.”

“How come he’s not here with you?”

“He is busy.”

“Busy enough to let his woman go alone to Scotland?”

“He can’t just leave his work.”

“He never visits the cottage.”

“I told you he was always busy.”

I caught something in his eyes.

Anger.

“If I were him, I leave everything so my woman will not be alone.”

I stopped breathing. I closed my hand that he was holding. He gripped it hard. It was like we were communicating through our hands.

There was something going on between us. I knew it. It was coming. I felt it. I knew he felt it too.

But he was refusing to acknowledge it.

Uncle Lamb was right, he needs healing.

What he failed to see is _I_ need it too.

The moment broke when Thistle trying to squeeze between our feet.

“I’ll work to your garden.” He let go my hand and moved to step back. He bent his body to pick up the cream from the floor and handed over to me. He walked to my backyard, calling out Thistle who is now sitting at my feet. “C’mon buddy.”

Thistle remain sitting, his tail wagging. I bent to reach his head and scratch his neck. He closed his eyes and his tongue lolling. I smiled at him.

I didn’t see Jamie turned his head to watch me nor I see him twitching his lips as I laughed at Thistle who was now lying on his back, paws raised in the air, tongue still lolling, demanding some belly rubs.

**~~000~~**

I was thinking our moment yesterday as I walk in the same path to Jamie’s cabin.

I lay in bed last night thinking about what he said yesterday. He was not willing to be healed and fixed. What he wants is to just spend the rest of his life alone and probably die alone in the middle of his cabin. I understood now why uncle Lamb was dying to help him and he thinks I am the only one who can heal him. I don’t know why he thought I could do that. Maybe because he knew I know that feeling and he knew that me and Jamie, together, we understand each other and probably we are the only one who can help each other. I decided that I will try what my uncle Lamb wants me to do for him.

Heal him. Heal Jamie Fraser.

Recalling his expression as he looked at me when I told him I am alone makes me shiver.

I saw anger flashed in his eyes when he noticed Frank wasn’t with me. I saw how he looked at me when I told him I understood the loneliness and emptiness he feels.

We have a connection. It was there. We both felt it.

I felt it the moment he touched my hand.

The hand that has a ring from another man.

But I was a woman who has a mission.

A mission I decided to do last night.

A mission I intended to accomplish.

From now on up to my last day in the cottage.

I will try to fix him. For him and for uncle Lamb

I will explore whatever I felt for him.

Because if I’m being honest with myself, I never felt anything in my life so strong it knocked me off my feet. It was new. It was surreal.

He makes my heart flutter, and he makes me nervous as hell. Just his presence alone makes me forgot that I was committed to another man. Hell, I even forgot that I was engaged.

I have less than three weeks to break the wall he built since he lost his family. I have nothing to lose except maybe my pride. Even if he tried to push me away, I will still try to heal him.

_Heal him Claire. I know you can heal him._

Uncle lamb’s voice rang in my head.

“I will try.”

I answered for the first time since I read his letter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there!  
> I am so sorry for the late update. I got sick the other week (thank God its not covid *sigh*) then I got busy at work. 
> 
> I am also apologizing for my English. I think I've mentioned it before that my English is NOT my first language. It is so hard to write specially when you have a lot of ideas in your head but its so hard to put them in words and in writings. 
> 
> This is UNBETA so every mistakes are all on me. 
> 
> If you are willing to be my Beta just drop me a message. hehe
> 
> Again, thank you for reading. I appreciate that you all takes a minute of your time to read my (not so good) fic. 
> 
> Happy Weekend ♥♥♥


	5. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER 5**

**FIRST KISS**

When I arrived at his cabin, Thistle was sniffing and walking around then raised his big head and looked in my direction. As usual he run to me but this time he was not barking. I smiled at him when he almost jumped into my feet to greet me.

“Hey, handsome boy.” I bent to scratch his chin. His tail wiggling. “Where is the other handsome man?” I asked him. He barked then run toward the cabin. I followed him.

The cabin is a one and a half story built in wood with a wide deck at the front and small one on the top at the center. It looks like an attic with a terrace. The stairs were also at the center of the cabin. There were two wooden chairs with cream cushions on the right side of the deck and on the other side was a dog bed.

Thistle run pass the cabin to the back where I see another roof. When it came to full view, I saw that it was a small stable where I guess Jamie kept the horse. It was only few feet from the cabin. I saw Jamie standing in front of the horse his back facing mine. I couldn’t make out what he was doing with the horse. He was wearing a gray wife beater shirt and the jeans that hung low to his hips. He was barefoot. His long hair tied in a low bun.

He looks hot.

My mouth went dry at the sight of him.

I wonder if he sensed that I was here, because even when Thistle was barking at his side, he didn’t look behind him to check. I stopped two feet next to him. I noticed that he was brushing the horse’s mane.

“Hi Jamie.” I chirped.

He still didn’t look at me though his head moved to the side.

“He’s beautiful.” I said and it was. The horse was big, and it was pure black.

Jamie ignored me and kept brushing the mane.

“What are ye doing here woman? He asked without looking at me.

“I want to meet your horse.”

“Name is Donas. Now ye can go home.”

“Hello Donas.” I raised my right hand to touch his mane. Jamie stopped brushing it then looked at me, his eyebrow furrowed. I gave him a small smile. I hoped he can’t see how nervous I am. My heart always skipped whenever I see him. It was not helping that we were standing side by side, I can smell his unique smell, strong and manly like him. It was intoxicating.

“I know what you are doing woman.” He said, not blinking. Pinning me again with his intimidating look.

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“I know what is running to yer beautiful head of yours. I am telling ye, stop trying.” He said, he turned so his body now fully facing me. The word beautiful still rang in my ears.

“You don’t know what’s in my head.” I turned my body to face him. We were almost nose to nose.

“Oh, I know Sassenach. You forgot I can read your face.”

“I know what that means.”

“What?” he rumbled.

“Sassenach?” I snapped.

I thought I saw his lips quirk. “Aye, like Lamb.”

“Yeah, I learned it from him.” I snapped again. “Don’t call me that.”

“ _You_ are sassenach. You are in Scotland and you _are_ English.” He growled.

“Oh, so, are we going to argue about me being a Sassenach or are you going to invite me to your home and be friendly?” I asked, daring him to throw me out.

He didn’t.

I can see he was trying to control his temper.

“Lamb is right. You are verra stubborn woman.” He said, shaking his head a little bit.

“And so are you.” I shot back.

He closed the gap between us, bent his head so we were now literally nose to nose. I can feel his breath in my face.

“You should be afraid Sassenach; I can be dangerous if I wanted to. You know I am capable to do things you won’t like.”

“Such as?” I whispered. My heart hammering in my chest.

“You don’t wanna know.”

“I think I’d like to know.”

He stared at me intently. Like the day before, he studied me, his eyes roaming around my face.

“You are beautiful.”

“Am I?”

“Ye have a skin like pearl.”

“I am pale.”

“Ye have a great body.”

“I-”

“Ye have long legs, nice ass, nice tits, beautiful eyes.”

“Jamie-” I started to pant. 

“Do you want to know what thoughts running in my head right now?” he asked. He didn’t let me answer before he started speaking again. “It’s obvious I live alone that means I don’t see many women. So, you can only imagine what will I do to you once I touch ye.”

Oh boy.

I can’t imagine, but I’d like to try.

“I suppose you get me naked?”

“Aye, and many other things.”

“Oh my god.”

“Aye, Sassenach. I think you had an idea now.”

I started breathing heavily. He sensed that I was nervous so he stepped back, but he kept his face bent so I can see his eyes challenging me. He was waiting for me to run. 

“No. Can you elaborate while we’re having a coffee?”

The corner of his lips quirks a bit “Sassenach, there are few coffee shops in town and grocery store. You can buy coffee there.”

“You are not being very friendly and hospitable. Are you treating my Uncle Lamb the same?”

“Aye.”

I shut my mouth.

“That’s very rude.” I said though that’s not surprising.

“You still surprise?”

“No.” I mumbled.

I can imagine he always push people away. Christ I can even imagine him throwing anyone away whoever enter to his cabin.

“I’ll give ye one minute to leave Sassenach. If ye want to know what I will do to you over coffee, its better not to talk here because it’s my territory and I’ll tell ye it is not safe. You are not safe. Here or anywhere, especially here. With me. I can lose my control and you don’t want to see what I am capable of. Trust me, I am dangerous. So, my advice, don’t come back.”

“You are not getting rid of me that easily Jamie Fraser. I just wanted to be friends. That’s it. Why won’t you just accept my offer to be your friend?”

“I am not very friendly like you said.”

“I gather that.” I mumbled. I chew the inside of my cheeks thinking my next move. He was not this cold before. I can feel it in my bones. He needs to loosen up. “Listen, I-”

“Do you want to play a game Sassenach?” he interrupted me. He should stop doing that.

“What?” I asked, confused. Game? What game? “What are you talking about?”

He closed the gap between us again, his face so close I can feel his breath fanning my face. His lips were merely an inch on mine. One tiny move and we are kissing. He looked at me before he closed whatever space we have.

“This.” And then he was kissing me. Hard.

He pressed his lips on mine. I barely feel his lips because of his thick beard. I wanted to tell him I have a very sensitive skin, especially in the face. I already feel his beard scratching my cheeks and chin, the burning sensation, not only on my cheeks but on my whole body. It was hot, the kiss, the humidity.

Him.

I felt his tongue on my upper lip causing me to gasp. He took the opportunity to slide his tongue inside my mouth. I felt my whole-body shudder, my knees weakened, I put my hands on his shoulder for support while I felt his hand on the back of my head to cupped it and deepened the kiss. I barely registered his tongue and about to kiss him back before he tore his mouth from me. I was panting.

We were both panting.

“You like that? You want me to do that won’t you?” he asked.

My brain was foggy, I can’t think straight. Is this a game for him? Did he think I want to play a game?

“Yes.” I whispered back. My eyes still close. If this is what he wants, then game on. If this is the way I can help him heal so be it.

_Two weeks_

I have still more than two weeks to help him. To explore this, whatever I felt for him. I hope he felt it too. But I wish he won’t think this is all a game.

Because it’s not.

I opened my eyes to see he was staring at me. No, reading me. “I don’t understand why you think this is all a game.?” I asked finally.

“Sassenach, you came here to collect Lamb inheritance. You probably came here to sell the property in mind. You wouldn’t want to be here. I don’t know why you take your time to do everything considering you always leave Lamb and doesn’t stay longer whenever you visit him. Then suddenly you want to be friend with me where since the beginning you wouldn’t even tried to get to know everyone, let alone me, that your uncle Lamb came to care and loved. Now you’re trying to fix me. Tell me if that is not a game. Then what is it?”

“I don’t know. All I know is I am not playing games with you.”

I noticed we were still standing so close to each other. My hands were gripping his shoulder telling him another sign that I am not lying. He caught it. 

“Then what is it?” he pushed it. Should I tell him that he makes me nervous as hell and that I have never felt anything like this before?

“You scare me.” I whispered.

“As you should.”

“You make me nervous. You challenge me. I don’t remember feeling like this. Not in my life.”

Something working behind his eyes. He was staring at me like he was deciding if he wanted to push me away or kiss me again.

I hope he do the latter.

We were staring at each other what felt like an eternity. Then he said, “Let’s get you a coffee.”

I didn’t know I was holding my breath until he said that. I took a sigh of relief. I beamed at him.

His looked changed once more, his eyes dropped to my lips. Then he stepped back, took my hand and we walked to his cabin.

The inside of his cabin was an open floor plan. It was a loft style. The second story was like an attic and where his bedroom is located. When you enter the door, you could see on the right side was the stairs going to the bedroom upstairs. There was a small landing with a small bookcase and a cream ottoman that was seated just beside the window door. On the far end of the loft was his bedroom. On the left side was the living area. A big mantel with a wide tv above it hanging on the wall. There was a rectangular gray rug covering the wooden floor. A black colored three-seater sofa facing the mantel with a matching armchair and in between them was a small side table with a small lamp on it. There was also another standing lamp on the corner side of the living area. In the middle of the space was a 6-seater wooded dining table and chair that still looks new. I bet he barely used it for obvious reason. The kitchen was big it almost covers the whole space. There was a big island counter with two black highchairs. Most of his furniture and appliances were black and expensive. There was another dog bed just beside the island counter and a dog plate at the right-side corner. There was another door that led to the backyard.

Jamie led me to the island counter, planted my ass on the highchair then walk to the other counter where his coffee maker was sited.

“How do ye take yer coffee?” he asked while taking out the mug from the cabinet.

“Black with a splash of creamer.” I said. I watched as he took out the carton of milk from the fridge then he put it in the island counter. Then he went back to the coffee and watched as he pours the coffee into the mug. It occurred to me that he took only one mug. Before I ask anything, he turned around and placed the mug in front of me. He grabbed the carton of milk and poured it straight into the mug. The liquid spilled all over. I looked at him, horrified.

“You just didn’t do that!”

“What?” he asked, growling at me at the same time confused.

“You pour the milk straight out of the carton.”

“Aye.”

“Did you have a small pitcher or something?”

“Sassenach, I’m a guy. Do I look like someone who use a pitcher?”

No, he doesn’t. I pressed my lips and shake my head a little.

“I’m going out. Stay as long as you want. I won’t be back until lunch.” He said, ready to take off.

“What?” I asked. I thought I was getting through. Did he want to leave because I wanted to have a coffee with him, and was he trying to avoid me?

“A routine.” He simply said.

“I thought we’re having coffee?” I whine. Jesus Christ, I didn’t peg myself a whiner.

“ _You_ need a coffee. I didn’t say I want it too.”

“But-”

“I’ll be right back.” he started to walk away.

“Jamie!” I called out.

He turned so he can look at me, scowling.

What will I say, “Kiss me goodbye?” That was too soon. I am slowly getting through to him, I don’t want to ruin my chances. He let me in in his cabin, that was a start.

But I wanted him to kiss me again.

“Take care.” I bite my lower lip, suddenly embarrassed.

I saw him swallowed, his eyes went to my mouth the to my eyes before he turned around and bolted out the door.

“What now?” I whispered to myself.

~~~

While he’s gone, I gulped my coffee then decided to look around. I went outside to check the stream and I was so stunned at the sight of it. It was more clearer up close. I was wearing my brown birken. I took them off and run my toes of my right foot into the water to test the temperature. It was a bit cold. I slowly stepped into the water and surprised that it was a little bit deep. The water went up just below my knees. If I walked a bit further, it will probably even deeper at the center. I mentally note that I will ask Jamie to let me swim and bathe in the stream some other day. I did this for a few minutes until I get bored and went back to the deck. I sat on one of the chairs, took out my phone and checked my email and inbox. Nothing from Frank but I got a message from my friend Geillis. She said she misses me and that she wanted to come to the cottage. I called her and told her she can come anytime and that I miss her too. I update her my plans and like always, she gave her support. Though I didn’t mentioned Jamie yet. I was not ready to share him. She was the only true friend I have in my life. And Joe.

I sat there thinking about the kiss. Should I feel guilty for kissing someone who is not my fiancé? Did I betray Frank? It weirded me that I don’t feel anything other than the thrill I kissed Jamie. When he kissed me it’s like I forgot everything else around me. It’s just the two of us. There was the fire suddenly ignited inside me. I felt the hunger I never thought I had. With just one kiss, the hunger and primal need woken up in me.

I should worry about this. I have my commitment and my loyalty to Frank.

But at this point he didn’t even enter my mind. My mind consumed of Jamie.

Jamie.

I unconsciously touch my lips. I still feel my cheeks and lips were still raw from the kiss and from his beard.

I was thankful Frank always keep his face clean and free with stubble. I only know I have sensitive skin in my face when I used makeup brushes. Since then, I didn’t wear makeup or when I do, I use my hands.

I wanted to ask Jamie to shave his thick beard. I wanted to see his face. I wonder what he looks like.

But I will ask this when we get closer, when he finally agreed to have a coffee with me or say, when we are kissing again and probably do other things.

I should stop thinking about his beard and his kiss.

**~~~**

Jamie left in a hurry.

He didn’t take Donas as he usually does when he’s roaming around the hills. He didn’t even called Thistle. He just walked fast away from the cabin.

If he stop for one second, he would turn around and go back to Claire without second thought and kiss her until her lips were raw and swollen.

That was what happened earlier. Her lips and cheeks instantly reddened. He was confused at first but then he forgot when she breath the word “yes”. He wanted to hear that again, when she is lying beneath him, writhing, begging him and calling his name while she’s fucking her hard.

Christ. He should’ve done that.

He should’ve kiss her.

It was wrong.

He should’ve touch her in the first place.

But she was right there, next to him, so close he can smell her sweet perfume that he loves.

He knew Claire made him a mission. He said it and showed it many times he doesn’t want her near him. He tried to push her away. He knew he insulted and hurt her the first time they met, and he thought she will never show up, but there she was, sneaking in his cabin and then bravely trotted to him, making a conversation like he didn’t hurt her, wanted to meet his horse, an excuse he finds hilarious.

He didn’t want anything with her, but he knew he was lying to himself.

He wanted her.

After the kiss.

He. Wanted. Her.

But the fear that he can hurt her more and getting hurt prevailed him from wanting her.

He was so afraid that it won’t last. She will leave in less than three weeks. He didn’t like that she will leave again and probably will never come back.

Another thing he don’t like is that she was committed to another man. She’ll go back to him and he will be left alone again. Everyone he loves left him.

If he let Claire to be closer to him and make even a tiny crack in his wall, he will afraid it will hurt him more than ever when she leaves.

He just initiated a dangerous game that he knew he will lose because he saw Claire the determination to fix him. A woman like her, independent and smart never turned down a challenge. She said it herself, he challenged her. He knew it when he keeps pushing her away. She keeps coming back. She was trying to crack the wall. He didn’t want to admit to himself, but he likes it.

He likes how he make her nervous, how her eyes went soft and flutter after the kiss, how she wanted him to have a coffee with her, how she got flushed and embarrassed when she called him to say take care. How she made her coffee. How he wanted to laugh when he saw the horrified look on her face when he spilled the milk all over. How she smiles at Thistle. How he likes her in his cabin.

He likes her there.

He even dreamed of it.

He dreamed of her.

She was the last thing in his mind before he go to sleep every night hoping she will beat back the nightmares.

But it was always there. They will never go away.

He walked and walked until he reached the cliff. It was very sunny, the sun rose above the horizon, making the ocean ethereal.

It was his favorite place to go.

A place where he felt peaceful.

But at the moment, he didn’t feel peaceful. There were so many thoughts in his head.

Does he want to be healed? Will she let Claire break his wall and let her in?

Will he keep his promise to Lamb?

He took out the small wallet he always brings with him from his pocket, opened it and pulled out one of the photos he kept there. It was Claire in his white coat, a stethoscope in her neck, her hair a wide mass of curls that loose around her shoulder, she was smiling so wide, her eyes almost close. The photo taken the first day of her in the hospital as a surgeon.

He clearly remembered the day Lamb gave that to him. It was the first time he saw Claire.

_“Your wife and daughter are dead Jamie. You will never bring them back. It’s time for you to move on.”_

Lamb’s voice echo in his head. He rewinds the very last few moments with Lamb.

_“I never had my own family. But I had her.” Lamb pointed the photo that Jamie was holding in his hand._

_“She was the light of my life. A very stubborn woman. She does whatever that cross her mind. She will never stop until she gets what she wants. She was very kind, very smart, humble, loyal, and independent. I didn’t show her often how much I love her, but I knew deep down she loves me too. She might not show it the way I do but she will make sure you felt it.”_

_“Yer telling me this because?”_

_“I’m telling you this because she can help you move on. She was going to be alone when the time comes, and I want to leave her with someone who also lives with loneliness and know how to endure it every day. I want you to be the one to take care of her once I am gone. I promise you Jamie once you get to know her and earn her loyalty, you will never forget how lucky you are. Let her bring you the light Jamie. Let her heal you.”_

_“I haven’t even met her Lamb.”_

_“Then let me bring her here and introduce her to you.”_

_“No.”_

_“Jamie-”_

_“Look at me Lamb. What do you see? A broken man. I don’t know if I am good enough for her or to anyone. I am so empty. There was nothing left of me to offer. I am so broken beyond repair and I don’t know if I can live like this anymore.”_

_“Look at that Jamie. Look at it carefully.” He tapped the photo. “What do you see? Do you see it? Do you see her smile? Do you see how happy she was? She was over the moon when she finally become a doctor. Finally proving that she achieved that on her own. She still smiling even after she lost her parents, after she learned I was getting weaker, even after knowing her boyfriend always treated her like she was a trophy. She keeps smiling and making sure she was always happy. She finds happiness in every possible way even when she’s living in a lonely world. She does not have many friends, but she always tells me how lucky she is for having great friends. Always telling me not to worry about her. She will help you bring back the smile on your face again Jamie. I know she can because that is what she is.”_

_Jamie stare at the picture, studying it, memorizing it. Claire’s sweet smile. Her golden eyes, and her beautiful face. His heart skips a tiny beat._

_He wanted to smile again. He longed to laugh again._

_“Promise me Jamie that you will try. Try to find happiness again. Even if it’s not with her”_

_“I don’t-”_

_“Aside from Claire, you are the only person I care about. I treat you like as son. I wanted to see you both happy before I die. Promise me son.” Lamb choked at the last word. It was the first time in over three years they have known each other he called Jamie a son._

_They stared at each other and after a few beats Jamie finally said, “I’ll try Lamb.”_

_Then Lamb gave him a tearful smile._

Jamie promised to Lamb.

Will her try with Claire? Will he let her bring him to the light?

He knew he was attracted to Claire. Hell, he even knew he wanted her the moment he saw her picture. But how he could do it when they both knew, this, whatever they have, will end soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Once again, if you reading this note means, you made it to the end and endure my writing. hehe
> 
> I got carried away writing the last part of the chapter. It wasn't my plan to include uncle Lamb towards the end but he was a huge part of Jamie and Claire in my story and also because I decided to write Jamie's POV so we got a peak of their friendship and how they were before Lamb died. 
> 
> Again this is UNBETA. To Ladygodiver, who volunteered to be my beta, I am so sorry I posted this without reaching out to you first like I said in my message. I hope I didn't disappoint you. (And all of you) 
> 
> Also, a tiny note. I purposely made the accent of Jamie inconsistent like the word "ye and you". I noticed in the book, Jamie also losing his accent (sometimes) and say "You" or "You're" so, I decided to write the same. 
> 
> I hope you all like this chapter. 
> 
> And thank you for reading! ♥


End file.
